The Schizophrenic Show
by poisonanon
Summary: It's the Schizo Show! With your host, Irish! It's a show of utter stupidity, and madness! She'll bring in your favorite, and not so favorite, characters. It ain't no Jerry Springer, or is it? but it sure is funny! Or....not.


I have no reason for this. I was having sugar withdrawels from all the candy I've been eating and this THING was created. At the time, I thought it was funny, and my friends thought it was REALLY funny. Apparently, I was an idiot, and my friends are insane idiots.

Irish/Zee/Atticus/Lacey- belongs to me.  
Everyone else belonged to someone else.

Don't worry! :D *No caroon characters were harmed during the making of this story. Just extremely disturbed.

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The Schizo Show

With Your Host: IRISH

Irish: Hello! Welcome to The Schizo Show!

(applaud)

Irish: Let me turn your attention to Zee and Dib. Both of their fathers got arrested and

now they work for me to pay off their debts!

Zee: You said you wouldn't talk about that!

Irish: I say a lot of things. Now let's bring out our first guest!

Johnny C: Uh, hello. What am I doing here?

Irish: Welcome! Now, who the hell are you and what do for a living?

Johnny C: My name is Johnny C, but you can call me 'Nny'. I'm an insane homicidal maniac, but I'm also the creative force behind Happy Noodle Boy.

Irish: That's awesome!

Dib: Wait, he said he was an insane homicide, and you think that's awesome?

Irish: Shut it Slave.

Zee: Shouldn't we have helmets for this sort of thing?

Irish: Why don't we start taking questions from the audience!

Random Person: Yeah, Mr. C, why do you look like a freak?

Johnny C: May I Kill her?

Irish: Later. Anything else?

Random Person 2: Why do you kill people Mr. Nny?

Johnny C: Because people are stupid little thorns cutting into one another. They deserve

nothing less then getting doomed slowly and painfully. People that think of nothing but

the mundane and hurt people through their words, kicking others into the dirt and laughing at them as they go down. Vile little goblins. Unpleasant and viscous.

Dib: Why do I agree with you?

Gaz: Maybe because you're just as mentally unbalanced as he is?

Irish: Well, it seems as though there are no more questions. You can kill Random Person now Johnny.

Johnny C: YAY! I smile!

Random Person: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekk!!

Irish: While Johnny is horrendously killing that Random Person, let's bring out our next guest.

Zim: Yes, yes. Hello filthy demon dirt child.

Dib: HEY! What the F*$?! Is HE doing here?

Zee: And why is his stomach so huge?

Zim: Admit it Dib! Admit that you are the father of my baby!

Everyone: GASP!

Dib: ZIM! That's just a ball you hid under your shirt!

Zim: Oh yeah…

(Pulls shirt to reveal a silver ball with antennae on top.)

Zim: With this doomsday bomb, I shall blow all you filthy humans into a fiery doom!

Mwa HA HA HA HA HA!

(Ball uncurls to reveal a dizzy Gir)

Gir: It's me! I was the bomb all along!

Zim: Gir! What are you doing!

Gir: I ate the bomb! It was spicy!

Irish: O-kay! Let's move along.

Dib: He just said he was going to blow us up five seconds ago!

Irish: Everyone stopped caring about what you had to say a LONG time ago.

Gaz: It's true.

Zee: Yeah, it is.

Irish: Let's bring out our next guest!

Zim: Hey, you didn't ask me anything.

Irish: Why do you want me to ask you things?

Zim: Why did you bring me here?

Irish: Just sit there and look pretty.

Zim: 0.o

Irish: Gir, will you please go get the guest?

Gir: Yes, my Lord!

Zim: Why does he listen to you?

Irish: I say 'please.'

Lenore: Hello? Who are you and what do you want with me?

Irish: Those are VERY good questions.

Lenore: Thank you?

Irish: Now Lenore, how's life for a dead girl such as yourself?

Lenore: Oooooh, I have so much fun! I have friends that have tea parties with me and I

can kill things without getting caught!

Irish: Fascinating! Lenore, do you have a boyfriend?

Lenore: No, but theirs this really creepy guy that follows me around a lot. His name is Mr.

Gosh.

Zim: Yeah, I know how it's like to be stalked.

(He looks at Dib.)

Dib: I don't stalk you!

Zim: How do you know I'm talking about you?

Dib: You're looking right at me!

Irish: Okay people. I'm trying to asses the Happy Time!

Zee: (looking into a camera) Atticus, if you're watching this, I want you to know that I

don't stalk you! But Irish does.

Irish: Someone restrain him!

(Lacey walks in a security uniform)

Lacey: (talking into a radio) Yes, I have apprehended the suspect, his description

fits. Awesome hair, incredibly sexy, and has a nice ass.

Zee: Let me go Morticia!

Lacey: When hell freezes over handsome.

Gaz: Guys, I think we should wrap it up. Johnny's already killed seven people in the audience.

Random People: 8-13:I'm too stupid to repent!Someone pull this churro out of my ass!My eyes! I can't see my eyes!AHHHH! THE HORROR! THE FUNKY HORROR!No! Please! I TAKE IT BACK! PLEASE BUY THAT LOAD O BULLSHIT!I'm kicking your ass when I take these nails out of my feet!

Irish: I think we need to bring in more guests!

Gaz: What is it with you and your guests?

Irish: I dislike you.

Lacey: The next guest has arrived.

Salad Fingers: He…Hello. Hello.

Irish: (stares at Salad Fingers with mouth agape.)

Salad Fingers: My name is Salad Fingers. I leik to listen to the radio.

Irish: Who brought this guy?

Salad Fingers: I brought my friends. Hubert Cumberdale, Marjorie Stewart Baxter, and

Jeremy Fisher.

Irish: D=

Lacey: =(

Dib: X.x

Zee: DX

(Everyone): DDDDD=

Salad Fingers: I enquire an inquiry about your spoooooons.

(He stands and walks toward the camera.)

Salad Fingers: And what is this queer looking contraption? I think I'll call you … a nettle carrier.

Irish: That's a camera!

Salad Fingers: Roger, I will not have you broadcast such unpleasant frequencies.

(Everyone is so horrified at Salad Fingers that even Johnny puts down his knife and tilts his head curiously at him.)

Irish: Security!

Gaz: Security!

Lacey: I'm afraid to touch him.

Irish: Johnny, can you please..Uh..do what you do best?

Johnny C: But I don't like him. He's so creepy.

Lenore: Eeeeeeeek! What is he doing to that spoon?!

Zim: I think he's ….. rubbing it.

Salad Fingers: The feeling of rust against my salad fingers is almost ORGASMIC!

(Everyone): DDX

Zee: They aren't paying me enough for this.

Irish: I don't pay you at all.

Zee: Wait….what?

Irish: Let's bring out another guest!

Gaz: I think we should have limits on our guests!

Grim: What am I doing here? Who are you people?

Irish: Hello, you're on 'The Schizo Show!' and you're being held here against your will.

Mandy: Why am I here along with Mr. I-take-a-shower-in-the-toilet?

Billy: Ooooh! Ooooh! OoooH! It's like being in the washing machine!

Grim: And I thought I was finally rid of you two.

Mandy: We own you, you spineless bag of bones.

Billy: Look Mandy! A robot.

Gir: I'm dancing like a monkey!

Billy: That looks like fun! (dances)

Gir: Awwwww, he likes me!

Mandy: Congratulations Billy. You've finally found someone with a matching IQ.

Grim: Oh no. Now's theirs two of em.

Irish: Actually, if Mandy teamed up with Gaz and Lacey, we'd have some serious trouble

on our hands.

(All the three of them eye each other)

Salad Fingers: I've always wondered what you would taste like.

Irish: Can't we DO something about this guy?

Lacey: Well, we COULD beat him up, but we are LIVE.

Dib: We've done so much –censor- that it wouldn't matter.

Irish: Cut to commercial!

-2 minutes of pointless advertising of stuff you don't need but want-

Irish: Welcome back! Now we've met lots of guests. Here's a recap: Johnny C, Zim, Gir,

Lenore, Grim, Billy, and Mandy!

Dib: What about that other guy, Sala-

Irish: WE SHALL NEVER SPEAK HIS NAME AGAIN!

Gaz: when is this show over?

Zee: I think we have about twenty minutes left.

Irish: We have time for more guests!

Gaz: No! No more guests!

Irish: If we have time for more guests, we'll have more guests!

Dib: What is the POINT of this show?

Irish: I'm tired of your voice! If you don't close your mouth I'll stitch it shut for you!

Gaz: That's the first time I've agreed with you all day.

Lenore: Can't we have a tea party instead?

Irish: No! I-

(looks sick)

Lacey: Uh oh.

Zee: Everyone run!

Irish: I'm fine…

(starts shaking.)

(Lacey and Zee run towards the nearest exit.)

Zim: What's going on?

Johnny C: I think she's going to explode.

(Irish starts bouncing up and down in her seat.)

Grim: Dis doesn't look good.

(Irish jumps off her chair. She looks obviously different.)

Irish: HA HA HA HA HEE HEE HOO HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE!

Billy: Mandy I'm scared.

Irish: Everybody dance, dance, dance! Grrr! I leik CANDY! I don't have problems! I

DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS!

Dib: oh my!

Irish: YOU! I shall eat your head. Your overly large head!

Dib: My head's not big!

Irish: Lies! LIES! LIIEEEESS!

(crowd of people, including Happy Noodle Boy, Ragamuffin, Ms. Bitters, Squee, Pepito,

Atticus, Mello, L, Light, and Emily the Strange walk in.)

Irish: My guests! My precious guests! All of you here are against your wiiiiiiillllll!

Happy Noodle Boy: Mooooo! I'm VooDoo cursing you! REPENT! Floss often! You have broken my secret elbow!

Squee: SQUEE!

Pepito: It's all right me amigo! The ANTI-CHRIST shall protect you!

L: What's going on here?

Light: I'm not sure.

Mello: Where the hell is Matt?

Ragamuffin: If only I was a vampire, I would kill you all so you would SHUT UP!

Ms Bitters: Doom. Doom. Dooooooom.

(Emily the Strange sits at the corner quietly and says nothing)

Atticus: Whoa.

Dib: Tell me about it.

Zim: I'm leaving. C'mon Gir. We shall work on my new evil plan.

Johnny C: Soooo, can I kill everyone now?

Squee: You're not going to chop me up are you scary neighbor man?

Pepito: If he tried that I would send him to HELL.

Johnny C: Meh. Been there. Done that.

Mandy: Grim, I'm hungry. Take me home and make me a sandwich.

Grim: I hate you.

Happy Noodle Boy: Look at my leg! Watch it wiggle! Say it with me as I wiggle! Peas!

Peas! Peas!

-Lacey and Zee are in the control room-

Lacey: Should we end it?

Zee: We are so cancelled.

Lacey: I'll take that as a yes.

-click-

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES


End file.
